Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Well, here I am again. Trying to create a post. There were a lot of things that were floating in my head during the shower. Even more thoughts came rushing to my head as I were walking back to my van to get back my spectacles. Yes. I am that damn blur even at the age of 28.
28. To be honest, this age seems a bit strange to me. I had the same feeling back then when I reach 21. I am not considered an adult back then but neither can someone treat me as a teenager anymore. Now that I am 28, there is no way that I can be consider as young anymore but neither am I at the stage where you can call me mature (nicer word for uncle). I don't know if this is a case of mid life crisis or trying to get a focal point in life but it seems to me that life just kinda zip pass me over the past 28 years.
Just what had I really achieve over the past 28 years? This is one question that I seems to have no answer to. One thing that I heard quite often from my friends are that, Christopher, you are a nice guy. But to rank that as an achievement seems a bit far-fetched.
To be honest, at times I hoped I can be that jerk or bastard that everyone want a piece of. I think from their perspective, nice guys are someone for them to step on for their advancement in life. I think in my line of work (construction, which I got to admit might not really be my cup of tea), being nice will never get you anyway. Those who are far ahead are those who can make strangers feel like they are their long lost siblings and those who need their cooperation begging them for it. Yes. Help is not necessary unless there are something in there for them.
This made me take a step back and think of this. Would I feel differently if I have a family now? As in having a wife and maybe one or two kids in tow. Is having a family considered an achievement? To be having a happy family is likely to be considered an achievement but being the pessimistic me who had witnessed the break down of my own parents marriage when my dad left us make me shiver when I think of marriage. To me, there are so many things that might go and can go wrong.
This might be one of the reasons why I had been single for quite sometime now. Discounting the fact of my last DOOMED infatuation with someone, I had hardly opened up myself to someone of the opposite sex.
The fear of rejection plays a part but the larger fear is that where is this thing going to lead us to? Marriage? Shiver will then start to set upon me. Am I dating the right girl? Will she last the distance if I decided to be serious? To be honest, at times like this I wish I can just take things easily like a lot of my friends do.
Well, wanted to post more but I think the Zzzz monster is calling out to me. Gonna brush my teeth(I don't want to spend $500 for a root canal treatment again!!) before hitting the sack. Nightzz ;)
Labels: Life
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
12:30 AM
12:30 AM
