Life is a game of waiting.. Waiting for the right ride to take us off to the sunset

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

As stated above. Was going to blog something about what happened in my work. But then the above happened. No mood to blog abt that anymore. Haven't had this feeling in a long while. Happy and down in just 10mins. Damn. This is better than drugs(not that I tried it before).

Let's just hope that the saying, work hard and and you will be rewarded will come true for me. I am on the brink of giving up. But my mind say it ain't over till it is over.

You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
11:25 PM

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Just finish watching the 2nd episode of the OC. Downloaded it from Ares. The show rocks!! No wonder everyone is raving about it. Am going to download the whole season from now on. Finally, some series for me to download after Friends had ended.

Talking about friends, I had been listening to an old Beyond CD on my discman for the past few days.(No $$ to buy MP3 player) Not sure whether it was that Beyond music are really good or listening to it just bring back the memories. I rememeber buying this disc when I was 17(I was that young then). Shared it with Alson and Hongsheng. They ended up buying the LD(Damn are we old) while I was to stick to the cd. Just one cd at that time was able to bring so much joy to us. How I wish I could be transported back to that time. Wandering around as it was after my O levels(Did quite badly), admiring a girl I like a lot from afar(am still doing that now), going to Ktv once a week with money coming from our vacation pay. Speaking of this just make me realize that it had been really a long time since I went to KTV with Alson, James, Benson and Hongsheng. We used to go to the current PartyWorld at Cuppage Centre before it was named PartyWorld. It used to be a sleazy ktv at night but the rates at noon time was damn cheap. Always used to joke abt how we wish we earn enough to visit it and see how the gals look like. For all of you guys info, up till now I had really never went to a KTV like that. Simply no $$.

The more I think about this, the more I realize that earning more $ or working harder will not bring you more joy. Some of the best memories I had was not of me spending tons of money. Rather it was of us skipping school, asking the gals that I like but don't dare to ask out or simply working together at work or projects. It was of time that was well spent with my Band of brothers. Brothers from Bendemeer Secondary Sec 4EE. :) To all of you guys out there. I am really sorry if I was too caught up with my work. Just remember that you guys are my brothers forever!!

And to Benson, sometimes it take two hands to clap. Let's just say I am really unwilling to end it but sometimes fate play you out in a very strange way. Fate can let you miss her, see her, miss her and see her again. Yet, fate just won't let you have one more chance to take it further. Let's just say that my side of the bridge is still in progress and I hope that one day hers will also start work again so that we can be link together. I leave it to fate.

You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
1:58 AM

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I am typing this at halftime of the match between Portsmouth and Spurs. To be honest, Spurs played quite badly and it is really kinda amazing how high they are ranked before this match. Anyway, just in case you guys don't know it, I am a HUGE Spurs fan. I had been one since I was 10. Watching Spurs roar into the FA Cup final with that famous Gazza freekick which send the Gooners packing in the semifinals. Sad to say, this team can't be compared with the past great sides. Only Defoe, King, Keane and Robinson will make it into the team of the 90s. Just in case anyone wonder who the hell is Spurs, just visit www.spurs.co.uk. And please shut up after that cause I am sick and tired of answering what club is Spurs(from ladies friends who only know Owen and Beckham and still think that they are in Liverpool and Manure respectively) and why I support Spurs of all clubs??(from guys friends who are idiots or support whichever is the trend team) Anyway, I think part of the reason why I am still supporting Spurs despite them being not fashionable anymore is down to loyalty and pure love for them.

Anyway, just got the flu over the weekend. Slept for over 20 hours from Sun till Mon. Never slept for such a long time in such a long time. Haha. My poor english. Well, got to end now. The match is starting now. Hope that Spurs can win. One Nil again. Cheers.

You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
3:52 AM

Friday, October 15, 2004

It's been a while since I last blogged. Was quite busy and also quite lazy to blog. Anyway, to people who asked me how my Grandma was, thanks a lot. She is fine now and back at home. People are strange being. Only when something bad happened will they realize what is good for them and who is good to them. I actually felt bad over the whole incident. I mean I only visited my Grandma once a month at the most when she was staying at the home and here I am, trying to visit her everyday only when she is hospitalised. It make me realized how bad I am in time management. How I wish I got the financial ability to bring her out of the home and back with me. I mean she is one of the few surviving relatives that I have. Anyway, her home is at Woodlands and I stay at Bedok. That's part of the reason why I don't visit her so often.

At work front, if everything goes according to what I had planned, I should be over my debts by this month. But then again, if Life runs according to my script, I wouldn't be in this situation now. Life is like a box of chocolates. You never knows what is inside until you open it. ;P Just tried door knocking this week. It is a tough job and I really admire those who had got their customers through this way. It is a thankless task. I mean I had encountered so many types of people from this. They are those who will kindly reject you, agreed to listen to you(this group is damn minority), won't open the door even though it is obvious they are inside, slam the door the moment they see that U are from Prudential and worse even scold you for knocking on their door.

Anyway, had u guys notice how ugly S'poreans can be?? I was trying to get onboard a bus today at the evening peak hours. After trying my very best to squeeze in, it was to my dismay that I realize the reason for this squeeze is because of the loads of selfish people who refuse to move further in. Hello. The exit is at the middle of the bus. Not at the haed of ths bus. And no way will u be swallowed by some ghost if you wander too far in. I think the best way to solve this problem is to covert all single deck buses to SuperBus. But then again, if we were to do that, all we had done was not changing people mindset. I mean it is high time people realize that buses and Mrts are public transport. I stress on the word PUBLIC. Which means everyone had the right to use it. Not just u. A bus is a mode of transport. Not a place for all your colleagues or friends to gather together to have a gathering and a chat. By doing this u are blocking passengers from moving in and letting more poor souls like me to get onto the bus. If you and ur friends really must chat or u will die from missing each other, please do that at a cafe or even best your own home cause an inconsiderate person like you is best kept at home.

Got to go sleep now. Meeting is at 9.30 tomorrow. Sianzz.

You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
1:35 AM

Thursday, October 14, 2004

You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
11:06 PM

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Life is full of surprises. It never fail to amaze me or surprise even after my 24 years of existence. The day today started bad. Real Bad. I overslept as usual and ended up being late at work. I mean this ain't such an big issue. I am always late but it is something that my manager said that really got on my nerves. He was introducing a new adviser to all of us. This ain't any big announcement cause I had seen 5 or more new advisers coming in and leaving the business in less than 3 months. But as he was introducing him to all of us, he advised him to learnt from the more experienced and hardworking advisers which is fine to me as I had always wanted to learn from the best too. What got on my nerves was when he said that he mustn't be like some advisers who after 5 or 6 months in the business is still earning only $500 or $600 of basic pay. The moment that sentence came out, it stings. I know he is definitely aiming for me and I am fine with that low blow. What makes me piss is that he had knew that for this year, most of the adviser had fuck up production. They were just lucky they got a fantastic previous year to back them up. A lot of the advisers who had even bother turning up for this meeting was earning less than 1K per month but does this make us less of a person?? I mean I admit that there are times when I do slack but why the hell will I slack till I am earning peanuts and not even enough for me to spend?? I am sure the rest of the advisers who are in the same predicament as me want to succeed and is working hard towards that goal too. I mean who of sane mind will be happy with $500 per month? If they wanted to give up, they would have throw in the towel long ago and not bother to turn up for so many meetings which to me is more or less waste of my time. Damn it. The fact that they are staying on for the battle means that they still have the stomach and appetite for the fight. It is a war which they want to win and this goes to me too. I am not a quitter, never am and never will.

I left the office ASAP after the meeting. Got to admit today meeting was constructive which itself is an acheivement. Rushed off to meet Kenn and was in a foul mood. Things turn better when we had some good news coming in and my prospect even messaged me to tell me she is meeting me. I was more of less thinking that since my day had already started bad, more or less she will give me a plane again like all my prospects did. Had a great chat with her. She do seems interested in saving for her retirement. But from there it all went downhill.

Received a call from my niece, Joelin. She is a nice girl and I felt really sorry that I couldn't spent more time with her than I want to. Anyway, she told me that my grandma was warded in SGH. I was so shocked to hear that cause the last time my grandpa went to a hospital, it was also the last time I saw him. Till this day I still miss my grandpa. I was so close to him and for me to be the one who convinced him to go to the hospital which led to his death, had been haunting me till now. It was supposed to be a routine checkup cause he had an infection growing on his leg. He need to be warded for a few days so that the doctor can monitor how he is going to be. It all went wrong when he choked on his lunch. Till this day I had a phobia for hospital and even hated nurses at a point of time. I mean he had never ever choked before at home and to know that he had choked in the hospital is some sort of a sick joke for me. I was supposed to visit him that day in the morning but I overslept. How I wish I never did. He went into a coma as a result of that choke and only passsed away after close to 3 months. I was in pain throughout that period as he never responsed to my call when I visited him. He will always reply me when he hear my call cause there are always just the two of us at home. Sounds pathetic right? To see him lying down there at the bed motionlessly but still breathing really make my heart hurts till this day. He was really that close to me. I visited him everyday during that period though I knew that deep in my heart, he might never ever wake up again. I can feel that he knows that I am there by his side and he can hear whatever I am saying. It was the first time in my life that I felt so helpless. Seeing someone who had taught me the ropes of life for 21 years just lying down there wasting away. In a way I also felt glad that he finally passed away. Cause the longer he stayed in a coma, the longer the pain will be for him and my family. I haven't felt so insecure for a long time since then. Today it is starting to come back to me again. I know that my grandma will leave me sooner or later but just don't let it be in the same manner as my grandpa.

Anyway, she is having fever due to infection of her chest. I really hope that she can recover cause she had went through a lot of hardship without enjoying any fruits of labour before. All thanks to that useless son of her who is my Dad. I used to dislike him. After seeing my grandma in the hospital tonight,I am starting to hate him and despise him. I am really down now. Kenn,I understand how you felt when you said you have no one to celebrate with you. At least you are better off than me. How I wish at that time that there will be someone holding my hands tight giving me encouragement. Just in a realy down mood. Can't believe I am typing all this out either. Anyway,I am sure I will be back to the cheerful me again tomorrow. I had seen storms that are worse than this. But for today, just let me wallow in self pity.

You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
1:16 AM

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Quite a number of things had happened ever since I last blogged. Must write it out now in case I forget about it. First of all, Happy 23rd birthday to Charissa. She is a colleague of mine and one of the first few person in my agency whom I had contact with. She may seems soft and petite but she is one hell of a intellectual lady. She is smart,witty and quite good at lame jokes like me. ;) Kinda miss the times that we spend chatting online, Little Girl. Anyway, she is a really nice girl and I am sure that one day you will hit your dreams. One thing that I admire about her is that she is a really good listener and can also give out sound advice too. :)

Next thing on hand is to give a BIG THANK YOU to Alson. I had known this guy since Sec 1 and I think it is kinda of a miracle that I am still so close to him. I mean how often do you encounter people who will play a part in your life for over 10 years. He is a great bro of mine( ain't saying that so that he will suan me less,think of it, I was the one who taught him the art of suaning)and was also the one who helped me shift my PC back home. Without his help, I wouldn't be able to Blog this shit here man. U are the MAN!!! (P.s: Get off my back now that I had said thank you to you here k?? ;P ) Anyway,if there were to be any interested gals out there who wanna know him, he is available(not that desperate yet ;P) but just one thing.He had HIGH standards. Friends and colleagues of mine who know him well should know where I AM COMING FROM( Learnt this stupid line from PSA. Jones should know this :) )

Next thing I got to talk about is her.I know all of you who had follow my blog(esp my colleagues) will know who I am talking about. Let's put it this way. I am just trying to know more about her. I am starting out as a friend with her. I am glad for all the help and advice that you guys had given me(Esp Eileen but I really doubt she will read this. She is a bit idiotic at IT ;P) but I would really appreciate it if we can just let nature run its course. My last blog wasn't written specially for her. Though I got to admit that I wish she will read it but trust me, she don't read my blog( I am not there yet) and I am not writing it for her. Things between us are fine but I really don't wanna scare her off. I got to raise my hands up and admit that I ain't that good at chasing a girl so the last thing I want is to turn her off. Hope you guys will know that WHERE I AM COMING FROM. ;)

Met up with Weiguo(he is Mee Rebus, Mee Siam and Peacock in my message block),Levi and Kurt on Mon night. Feel really good as it had been quite sometimes since I last catch up with them. Anyway, in case u guys forget, Weiguo is a bro I had known since I was 6. To phrase what he always say about me, "I know whether you are going to shit or urine in the toilet the moment you go there." ;) He really knows me that well. I got to know Kurt and Levi through him. This may sounds a bit mushy but there had never been a period in my life that I never met up with him for more than 3 months. He is that close to me. Still remember how his father will bring us along and treat us to meals at McDonalds. I even had my first hamburger with him when his dad brought us out. I couldn't eat beef then due to mum objections but he convinced me that it was nice. So I was quite surprised when he told me last week that he was thinking of studying in Australia for three years. I mean human beings are bastards at times. It was only then that I felt a tinge of helplessness in me. To be truthful, he saved my ass a lot of times. He is also one of the few friends that I would consider that close to me that I really can't imagine having them missing out in my life. He had seen all the bad and good of me(more bad than good). I really hope he can give a deep thought over it cause it ain't easy going there alone and study for 3 years.You will need tons of determination and hard work. Not that I am suspecting that it is lacking in you. But just feel that you might be better off with distance learning.Anyway, it doesn't mean that you will find a great job with a degree. All a degree do is to offer you more doors to walk through. End of the day you still have to walk the path. Work it out the hard way.

It is always at this point that I find it hard to end a blog. How should I sign off? Using my lame jokes or motivational stuff?? Well,all I can say now is really appreciate the present. You can plan all you like for the future but if you ain't enjoying the present now,how can you be sure you will live to see the future? Live for the moment. Treasure the people around you. Try to spend time with them. I am trying my best to do that cause I guess end of the day, no amount of money can buy you good times and great realtionship with people. Cheers. ;)

You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
2:20 AM

Friday, October 01, 2004

It's been quite a while since I last blogged. Anyway,life is still the same for me. But I am not typing this out from an Internet cafe. I am now in the comfort of my home blogging. Yes. My Pc is finally now back at my home. But I still need a cheap second Pc so if guys have any lobangs for me on that please do let me know. I never really apprieciate my Pc until the long seperation from it. Even though my hard disk is going to break down anytime(based on the sound it makes while running), USB ports had failed due to some unforseen reasons and speed that is at P3(it is P4 1.8Ghz btw),I still love it. I rememeber telling Kenn that this was one of the so call two assets that I have. I bought it with my own money(loan from my Great Mum) and is still proud of it inspite of the heartbreaks that it had given me. The other asset I had by the way is my X Box which I got for free for signing up with StarHub.

Relationship are like PC sometimes. When everything is new and fresh, things proceed at a very fast pace. But as time passes, more and more errors will start coming up slowing the relationship. Some will choose to change to a new PC when this happen while others will try their best to repair it to its previous form. But sometimes it ain't just possible to go back to what it used to be. I belong to the latter. I always think that if there is something wrong with the realationship, one should try to find out what's wrong and make it work out. So what type of character are you my friend?? Change it while it still don't hurt so much to change it or hang on until it had finally die on you??

Anyway, I had finaly managed to get the no of the gal I was talking about in my blog before. Well, the way i got it was quite stupid but here goes. She was an intern with us for a short period of time. Actually, I first saw her at her sis's birthday. Actually that day I was thinking of skipping it cause I was quite tired that day but I still went for it. As usual as in all 21st birthday party for S'poreans, my colleagues and I were just hanging at one corner waiting for food(as if it will fly from the sky if no one is doing the BBQ) when I saw her. Well, it is not love at first sight definitely. I mean I just find that she was a cute and nice gal at that time. Thought she was a friend of my colleague till they started telling me actually she is her younger sis. But being the same old me, I just stand from one end to look at her. Nothing happen at the end of the night and I thought that was it. Well, maybe it was my good luck(I am due some of it) that she started working part time in my agency for a short while. I still don't dare to talk to her then and again let the chance slip by. I was thinking this was really the end until I bump into her last mon. I had just woke up from my nap(Ya, I nap in the office) and very unwillingly being drag to prata with my friends when I bump into her when I was leaving the lift. She was there to collect something together with her friend. My hair was damn messy then and not to say I got a super Seh face when I stepped out of the lift. I thought I had blew it. But thanks to my colleagues(I love u Jones and Law) idea, we(actually it was they) managed to ger her down for Prata together with us. It was then I managed to have my first decent conversation with her(after moment of awkardness).She had even asked me who is Chris(cause they say that Chris is treating dinner who is me and I ended up paying) One thing leads to another and finally I got her no now. ;)

Now is the hard part. How to I get her out for a date with me? I mean I not saying that I must get her or what but I would really like to know her better. Problem is that I am always tie down by work and also how to ask in such a way that I am not trying to do anything funny?? Ideas ideas. I need inspiration even. To be true to you guys,it had been a while since I dated a gal. Maybe my friends are right.I should be more daring in my actions. I doubt she read my blog but if she do, that time when I was discussing Wimbledon with you,I was thinking of watching it with you,not recommending it to you. Anyway,got to go sleep now. See U guys. Give me some brillant ideas on my blog if you guys have one.

You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
2:07 AM