Monday, January 30, 2006
Just saw this from Elvina's blog. Though I don't know her personally, I think she blog quite well. Decided to paste part of it here.
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I hate love.” – Neil Gaiman
Someone once said,"To love someone is nothing; to be loved by someone is something; but to be loved by the one you love - is everything."
Fucking good way to describle Love. Before I forget, the url to her blog is http://elvina33.blogspot.com. Do read it.
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
1:01 AM
1:01 AM
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Got to say a big thank you to all those who came down to my home on Chinese New Year Eve. For once my home was noisy on a Chinese New Year Eve which I think should be the case. Kudos to Alson for planning the whole thing. Sorry that we opted to play mahjong first though. Anyway, U are still a winner at the end of the night. ;) Special thanks to Alson, Vincent, Benson, James and Charisse. It had been a while since Mum got someone to play mahjong with her. Glad to see the smile on her face when she was playing the game. I really appreciated you guys and gal for coming down. :)
Also got to say a Big Big Thank You to Grace for spending so much effort on ensuring that my blog is up and running. The counter still look a bit strange though. If you know what I mean. ;P
Anyway,just came back from Loyang Da Poh Gong with Vincent. Just find that I need a place for me to seek solace and hope for the new year. Got to say a big thank you to Vincent. I am quite sure that if not for him, I would just spend the whole day at home. I simply have no where to go. Friends are all busy visiting relatives and I am really not in the mood to go Pai Nian. Went to Tampines Mall for dinner and a short walk before reaching home. Anyway, bought Eason Chan latest Chinese album. One of my fav male singer. Nice album from what I am hearing thus far. To Sue: Yes, you can borrow the cd when I am done with it. ;)
One of my favourite track from his Eason album.
你的善良我的倔强
我们的小孩会像谁模样
常常在想几年之外
长睫毛女孩单眼皮男孩
曾经近在咫尺的未来已天涯
我爱你好爱你
对不起,谢谢脑中住着你的脸
我恨你好恨你
对不起,谢谢孤独刺着我的背
我爱你好爱你
对不起,谢谢脑中住着你的脸
我恨你好恨你
对不起,谢谢孤独刺着我的背
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
10:13 PM
10:13 PM
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Haha. New look for my blog!! Finally!! All these would not have been possible without Grace who was so patient with me. And to think that I have a diploma in Mulitmedia Software Engineering from S'pore Poly. Damn Xia Suay.
Anyway, got to know her from Alson. First impression of her was that she really do look a bit like Olive (GF of Popeye) Hehe. Well, first impression don't count in my dictionary. Now my impression of you is Wonderwoman!! Go Go Go!!! Do check out her blog which is in my links section. But be warned beforehand. Her blog is so full of love that you might turn green with envy when you visit it. Anyway, do remember to intro gals to me leh. Wife material please. And no those attached but available type. Pls.. ;)
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
11:01 PM
11:01 PM
Monday, January 23, 2006
I had been busy with work recently. At times like this, work seems to be the only way I can run away from all my problems. Not just in relationship. Basically from all my personal problems.
I got a grandma who is growing weaker and weaker by the day alone in an old folks home and there is just nothing that I can do to help her out of her misery. She was clasping on to my hand and said that it had been 5 years since she had been forcibly moved to the old folks home by my brother in law. 5 long misery years. My heart was aching and to be honest, a shed of tear dropped from my eyes when I heard her said this. I felt so fucking helpless. The only thing I can do is pray that she will just pass away peacefully. She had suffered enough. Trust me when I said that she don't deserve all this shit that she is going through. Her son should be the one suffering. Not her.
I got a mum who is growing older by the day and yet got to work like a cow as her son simply had no means for her to retire and enjoy the sunset of her life. She even have to work during Chinese New Year. Fucking brillant. Now I will be all alone for the Chinese New Year. To me, Chinese New Year had been a festival to forget ever since my Grandpa passed away. The home just seem so empty and lonely without him. Without him mumbling to himself and always giving me advice on life. At least I got a simple reuion dinner when he was around. Now it is just me and my four walls at New Year Eve. And for mum to be working during the holidays, how I wish I can just hibernate and wake up when it is time to work. I miss you Ah Kong. I really do.
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried
You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be prayin every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
ohh...
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
Was doing some spring cleaning on Sun when I found an old gift from my ex. It was a bible. I was thinking of just chunking it in my bookshelf but just when I was able to do so. A voice in my head told me to flip through it. Surprise surprise. It was a neoprint of the two of us. How times fly. If I remember correctly, this picture was taken in 2000 when we were just starting out together. Times were sweet then. The world seems to just consist of the two of us and all my personal problems seem so insignificant. Not hoping that I can patch up with her but I just find it tiring to face all these problems alone. To be honest, I yearn for companionship. Someone who can be there to share my problems and let me recharge myself to face another day. I thought I had found it. But seems like the special one is still far away from me. My heart hurts whenever I recall how someone I thought that I can lean on simply chunk me aside when I needed her the most. I am not blaming her though. I just can't bear to blame her. She got enough problems of her own anyway. I just feel hurt. Time will heals all wounds. Work can ease the process. I hope. For me, it is going to be work, work and more work. I am aiming for the position of team leader. Don't think I am going to get it though but it is simply not me to go down without a fight.
Well, I am a bit tired of my post being so down and gloomy. Been a long time since I had a post that can cheer me or my friends up. Well, the only positive thing for me now is that Spurs is still 4th(Ahead of the Fucking Gooners!!) and look good enough to at least qualify for Europe. Champions League I am not so hopeful but hey, you never know in football. It would be sheer esctacy if we were to qualify for the Champions League and finish above those Gooners. Come on you Spurs!!
Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
11:45 PM
11:45 PM
Sunday, January 15, 2006
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
when you love some one but it goes to waste
could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
This is how I am feeling now after the conversation we had last night. Let's see how things turn out to be.
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
4:29 PM
4:29 PM
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
海鸟跟鱼相爱只是一场意外??
The weather had been wet and gloomy over these past few days. It had been like that ever since Sat. Not sure if heaven is trying to shed a tear for me by raining non stop or wake me up with the incessant rain. Well, I think the weather had not really been helping me in getting over my pain.
It is always in times of trouble that you know who your Kakis are. How I define a Kaki? Someone who is willing to put up with all my bullshit and nonsense. I am going to thank everyone one by one below. Do let me know if I left u out k?
Padi or Adlin: Thanks for giving me the CPU treatment on Sat night. I can't imagine spending it alone inside the prison I call home. I really appreciate it. Glad to know that someone know just how much hurt and pain I am feeling. I am really grateful for your advice. It is just what my head is telling me but you are right. I am just too soft hearted. But then again, I will not be the same person you like as a friend if I was that logical in my thoughts. I always believe that my emotional side is the side which help me to make decision that I will not regret. Seems like I may be wrong this time. Nonetheless, THANK YOU. I owe you big time for the counselling session on Sat.
Alson: I had always maintain that you are the friend who tell me nothing but the cold hard truth everytime. Nothing but the truth. Though it hurts me to hear what you are saying, but i know that the best medicine always taste bitter. The truth might hurt me but it will only bring me closer to reality. What that does not suit me, simply will not suit no matter how hard I try to change it. But like what I told you, you will never know what will happen in the future. I just like to keep my options open. Though deep in my heart, I wish that I can be as logical as you. I really hope that I can. If it can spare me some of the pain that I am feeling now.
Benson: You are those friends who can be a great Uncle Agony. Always a great listening ear to have around. I am so sorry that I can't tell you all that had happened this time. Nonetheless, you will always be my bro. This is something that I am sure of. Really grateful that Alson and you came down just now to accompany me for a few drinks and card games. Really help my mind from wandering for a short while. Though I know that I will still have to walk the path alone. Just glad to know that there will always be friends by my side who are willing to carry me for part of the journey. I will try to quit that bad habit of mine. This is not just my promise to you but also to that someone else who I held in high estemm.
Vincent: Slack King, Chelsea or whatever you like to call youself. You are simply great at just being who you are. Being analytical and critical in your scolding to me. How I wish i can wake up this time. I really need time. I understand all that you are coming from. I really do. Thanks for all the lecture through msn or your "nuisance" calls to me. I will wake up soon. I am sure of that.
Melinda: Though I had known you for the shortest period among all these people here, I am really grateful that you called me to check on me. Young you might be but you sure have more experience than me in this stupid thing we call love. Thanks for volunteering to be my listening ear. And yes, I still remember thar I owe you Happy Meals and Ice Cream from Swensens. I will definitely treat you all these and keep my promise to you if you hit 6 accounts this month k? Don't let me down. I had always believe and maintain that you can do it if you have more self belief and confidence in yourself. You are simply one heck of a young lady. I am just glad to have you as my colleague, friend and Little Sis. ;)
Charisse: All I can say is that I should have taken your advice on that day you told me. For this, I will promise to go to any chionging session you organise in the future. Just make sure that i won't have to Q for too long. Uncle here hate queing. :P
Yuhui: Thanks for your concern. I am not ignoring you. Trust me on that. It is just that i was damn tied up with work for the past few months. And yes, I will remember our dinner this time round. Just glad that you are there to offer me your advice. ;)
And lastly, the greatest kudos go to my Mum. Though i know that she will never read it. I just got to say that if there really is to be an afterlife, I will want to be your parent in the next lifetime. Be it mother or father. It is the only way which I can repay you for all the nonsense and troubles I had created for you for the past 25 years. You had always let me do what i think is right. And yet, preparing to console me whenever things don't turn out the way which I want to. Trusting and believing me 100% in whatever I am doing. You are simply the best friend to me ever. You simply know how I think and yet can point me to the right path. I like it when you say that: "Well, I am not saying give up but you should set your priorities right and the rest will just fill it in by itself". It's the same way I am thinking but yet can't force my heart to do it. Each and every word of your advice was just what I am wanting to hear. I love you. I really do. Sorry for making you feel worry. You should not have this feeling long time ago. I am just grateful that you had chosen me rather than leave me with Dad. I doubt i will be here blogging if I had follow him. What I will be doing? I am shivering with fear whenever this thought come to my mind. You are simply the greatest Mum I can ever ask for. How I wish I can have your ear to talk to and shoulder to lean on whenever I need it. If there really is a God out there, please let you stay by my side for as long as possible. I can't imagine you ever not being by my side. I know I am sounding like a mummy boy but I will not be me if it wasn't for you. I love you Mum. I really do.
窗外阴天了音乐低声了
我的心开始想你了
灯光也暗了音乐低声了
口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外阴天了人是无聊了
我的心开始想你了
电话响起了你要说话了
还以为你心里对我又想念了
怎麽你声音变得冷淡了
是你变了是你变了
灯光熄灭了音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤
我加速超越
却甩不掉紧紧跟随的伤悲
缓缓掉落的枫叶像思念
为何挽回要赶在冬天来之前
爱你穿越时间
两行来自秋末的眼泪
让爱渗透了地面
我要的只是你在我身边
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
12:36 AM
12:36 AM
Sunday, January 08, 2006
冷风过境回忆冻结成冰
我的付出全都要不到回音
悔恨就像是绵延不断的丘陵
痛苦全方位的降临
悲伤入侵誓言下落不明
我找不到那些爱过的曾经
你像在寂寞上空盘旋的秃鹰
将我想你啃食干净
月色摇晃树影
穿梭在热带雨林
你离去的原因
从来不说明
你的话伤神经
我最后才清醒
幸福只是水中的倒影
月色摇晃树影
穿梭在热带雨林
悲伤的雨不停
全身血淋淋
那深陷在沼泽
我不堪的爱情
是我无能为力的伤心
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
9:50 PM
9:50 PM
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I really hope that the both of us will be able to achieve this. You must, should and will. I am sure of this. Have confidence in yourself. Don't ever belittle yourself. Love yourself more rather than the people around you. For people who don't love themselves, don't deserve to be love by others. This will definitely be my wish shall I ever see a shooting star or genie. Sounds kinda childish but hope that it will kinda lighten the mood. ;)
Happiness is morning and evening,
Daytime and nighttime too.
For happiness is anyone and anything at all
That's loved by you.
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
9:26 PM
9:26 PM
