Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Just read this from Elvina blog. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. Really appreciate it. Seems like we are in the same boat. ;) For people who is reading this, enjoy.
Not very long ago, I promised someone that I would blog on the topic of Mr. Right. Not that I'm Miss Know-It-All (far from that!), but I guess, all she wanna know was my personal take on it.
For the longest time, I have been a delusional girl. Someone who lost her father at a very young age and ever since then, would constantly seek and crave for the attention and love that she has lost so tragically.
Boys after boys, relationships after relationships. They come and go like the shoes in a woman's closet. But every time, I somehow managed to convince myself that the boy I was dating at that particular point in time, was Mr. Right.
I liked him. He liked me. Some very much in fact. We were happy together. So how wrong could it be?
Then the feeling sizzled. The conflicts began. The lies were weaved and the fights were ugly. The breakups were painful and the tears were heartwrenching. The memories were bitter and the pain was lingering. But no matter how I try, I just couldn't get out of the vicious cycle of rebounds and breakups - and always thinking I have found Mr. Right.
My friends have always asked me this same question- How would you know when you have found your Mr. Right? How would you know it's HIM when he appears?
I'm telling you girls - I am no love guru and I don't know the answer. I really don't. If I do, I wouldn't have to go through those many failed love auditions in my life, do I?
But those failures have rather, taught me some very important lessons.
For one - I've learnt to identify all the Mr. Wrongs. Don't you think that would be the one most important step to finding your Mr. Right? I would say it definitely is! Golly, it's a simple process of elimination, for heaven's sake.
The bad guys who thrill us.
The ones who always break their promises.
The ones who make our hearts flutter crazily one day and left us high and dry, pinning for their attention and love which will never come, the very next moment.
The ones who slept with your best friend or the leggy mini-skirts he picked up at a club.
The ones who abused you - emotionally, sexually, financially, physically and psychologically.
It's not that hard. They are the ones that your mother probably warned you about, but you were too smitten to realize. The challenge of snaring such a man was too sinfully irresistible.
My first advice - If you want to know where and who Mr. Right , you gotta first purge all these trash out of your lives and social circles for a start. Clean Up, Grow Up and most importantly - Wake Up. These kind of men will never ever be Mr. Right. You don't need an IQ of 400 to know that. You don't even need me to tell you that.
This is gonna be a long and meaningful discussion. I shall let your eyes rest for the moment - and take some comments, if any - and shall continue this in my next post.
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
9:03 AM
9:03 AM
Words. Putting people mind at ease when they need it. Correcting people when they are on the wrong path. Can be used to express love, hurt, anger and whole lot of other feelings. Words in a way is just like a knife. A knife can be put to good use by helping men cut away unwanted things. Chopping up food so that we can have a easier time eating. But for everything good, something bad must come with it.
A knife can also be used to hurt people. Cutting up people. Hurting people. Words, when used in the wrong way, might be a even deadlier weapon than a knife.
难过是因为闷了很久
是因为想了太多
是心理起了作用
你说苦笑常常陪着你
在一起有点勉强
该不该现在休了我
不想太多
我想一定是我听错弄错搞错
拜托我想是你的脑袋有问题
随便说说
其实我早已经猜透看透不想多说
只是我怕眼泪撑不住
不懂你的黑色幽默
想通却又再考倒我
说散你想很久了吧
我不想拆穿你
当作是你开的玩笑
想通却又再考倒我
说散你想很久了吧
败给你的黑色幽默
我的认真败给黑色幽默
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
8:49 AM
8:49 AM
Monday, May 22, 2006
Tired.. Damn tired. Work was a killer today as I didn't sleep well last night. Reason being best kept to myself. Was out of the office the whole day with Stanley and learnt a lot from him. Got a telling off from him last week and I got to agreed with the points he had raised up. I am compromising my own standards. That is simply unacceptable to me.
I think I blog more often than I post. Some posts are quite crap. Crap till a point which I find that there is no need to post. While some posts are private. Too private to be share. See, I am not someone who will go around telling the whole world what is happening. To me, privacy is something I value a lot. Kissing and telling is a definitely no no for me. So for friends who had been asking me questions about my personal life, please understand that I simply find no need to explain my actions.
To me, some of the things I do is simply unexplainable. I had done lots of foolish stuff. I myself know. But the human mind is shaped in such a strange way that once you had decided on the course of action, it is hard to change it. I understand this reason. That's why I am willing to give time to people who want to change their mind. I understand that something is just hard to change. Old habits die hard as they said. But come a point, you should know enough is enough.
See, a sinking boat which can't keep u afloat ought to be abandoned. It is as simple as that. No purpose to drown together with the boat. For there can't be just that one boat out in the sea. Not saying that I am on a sinking boat but at times, I felt like drowning.
So how u repair a sinking boat? Well, the most important thing is do you find it good enough for your voyage? See, your life is just like roughing out in the ocean. There are tough and choppy times. It is times like these that will test the limit of you and your boat. Not how it will hold out for you during the sunny season. Every boat can do that. See, sometimes what we are clinging on to are the good time we had with our boat during the sunny season. When everything is shine and nice. Great fun and memories under the sun.
What I value most is the turbulent times I have with it. The huge waves and heavy rain that fall on us. How we react and respond to it? Do we just give up like that or do my boat simply allow itself to sink without caring for me? Yes, times might be difficult then but it won't last forever. It is just like the tide of the sea. Not everyday will be a high tide. Neither will it be low forever. I have absolute confidence that my boat and I can survive all these storms together. For rainbow and sunshine await us at the other end. I am an optimistic person. Always have been. I am willing to go the distance with my boat. But is my boat ready for the voyage? No men can predict the weather ahead. More so what we will encounter in life. I am ready for the voyage. Let's just hope that we can all find the right boat soon. Life is an adventure. An adventure that is best venture together with a partner. Love will be the fuel for the ride ahead.
Dark clouds gathering ahead.
Lighting flashing and thunder roaring.
It is time like these that I am grateful.
Grateful that I can provide the shoulder for you to cling on to.
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
11:35 PM
11:35 PM
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Dad. Not sure u will understand what Dad mean. Quite sure you won't get to read this but I was just imagining how it would be like to have a decent conversation with you. To be honest, I don't recall a single meaningful conversation between us. The last time we converse? Should be at Sis's wake when I was 15. That make it 10 years? Not really bother with figures though. Regrets, I had a few in life. One of it is not being able to know you better.
There are just tons of things I want to know about you. Do I really behave like you like what Mum had said. Do I really look like you? Your image in my mind is very hazy. So hazy that I wish I could forget but yet unable to. Why did you chose this path for your life? Throwing away everything good that I think we had done for you.
You are just like a tornado. The debris you had left behind seem to take ages to clear. I thought I had cleared most of it. Some, I am simply powerless to repair. Such as mum's broken heart and distrust in guys, Grandma's longing for you and my hurt from you missing out in ALL the major milestone in my life. Getting good result for my PSLE. You weren't there. Good results for O Levels. You won't there. Feeling the lowest in my life when Grandpa left us. You weren't there. Simply put it. You were never here when we need you. If that's the case, why still remind us of your presence?
We had tried to move on. The gold mine Grandma and Grandpa had built up had all been mined up by you. Mum is left with no retirement fund because of you. I had to suffer ridicule from friends because of you. Had you ever feel guilty or woke up in the middle of night from fear? Fear that you will age alone and die without anyone knowing or giving a damn about it? I don't want to hate you. To hate someone, you must have liked or loved him a lot in the past. I don't want to be reminded of the fact that I did look forward to you encouraging me when I was young. Don't want to be reminded that how I wish to greet you with a loud "Pa Pa" and chatting about everything under the sun with you. Just like all my friends who do so with their Dad.
I won't be bailing you out this time. NO. You got to start growing up. Be mature and be responsible for your own actions. I will also be trying my very best to hide everything from Mum and Grandma. I think they had more than enough from you. I really hate seeing tears from Mum and Grandma.
I really wish you can straighten out your life. You are already 64. Senior Citizen. I don't wish the worst for you. I don't want to see you begging in the streets. I don't want you to comit more and more errors in life. For everyone who cared for you and loved you, you must stand up and fight for your own life like a man. No one owe you a living. Even if they did, they had already paid up their dues. I wish you the best, Dad.
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
11:06 PM
11:06 PM
Monday, May 01, 2006
Hope you guys enjoyed your long weekend. I did. Though it wasn't really long to begin with. I worked on Sat while most of you guys were sleeping I think. Anyway, I enjoyed it nonetheless. Though, financially, I lost close to $50 over the weekend due to lost bets on mahjong and soccer.
Not sure if you guys had read an article in The Sunday Times on young working adults getting allowance from their parents. To be honest, I can't believe that there are people who are dumb enough to give money to their children when they had already started working and their children for being so unashamed of their actions. Some of the interviewees were quoted as saying that they needed the money for their indulgent activities. Such as holidays and buying branded stuff. To hell with that. They are people who work their socks off and yet not able to provide three meals for their family. It is not because they are not working hard enough. It is because they were unlucky in certain ways. Such as being born into poverty or in someway or another, not being able to receive an education. Yet, capable young adults who had been educated feel no shame in getting money from their parents. Some of them are even graduates who is earning a decent income of over $2000. I can give it to them if they were still schooling. What will happened to this group should one day the tables were turned and they had to provide for their parents. Will they be able to do that? Being a helpful parent is one thing but spoiling the child is something that is uncalled for.
It make me sick that these people (can we called them people anyway?!?) are not mature enough to know that they are fortunate to be able to earn that amount of money. My mum was uneducated and in spite of all her hardwork, money was always a problem when I was young. That's why my poly education was paid through a combination of bursary and working on my part. I am forever grateful for all the money I had received from my bursaries, scholarship and past employers. No one will put food on your table if you don't work for it. They really need a reality check.
Being following the election news lately. To my friends who can vote, I would advise you guys to really think carefully about your vote and not think of it as a chore that you have to do. You will be deciding who will go into parliament and help shape the future of the nation. It don't just affect you alone. It will affect your family, friends and even children should one day you decide to have them. I am not saying which party is good and which party is not. Not supposed to do that according to the laws. Remember to vote carefully as your vote does matter.
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
11:50 PM
11:50 PM
