Tuesday, August 30, 2005
I am on leave tomorrow. Nope. I am not going for an overseas trip nor having a mental break for my mind. Taking leave tomorrow for the sole purpose of going back to my camp to answer a charge that SAF had brought upon me.
I am charged under Section 109 of The Singapore Armed Forces Act (Cap 295) for Absence Without Official Leave(AWOL). The reason for being AWOL? I had forgotten to take my IPPT test this year. The thing that piss me off is that they didn't send a reminder for me to take my IPPT. See, I am new to this reservist shit. All I know is that I had tried my very best during the 2 1/2 years I spent in the army and this is what I get in return? I know friends who had Chao Keng their way through army. They never had more outfield trainings than me and neither are them taking any stupid IPPT tests now. Seems like the reward for doing your best in the army is more shit work for you. In a modern age like this, I think they can at least have the decency to at least send me a sms on this. Unless all those army clerks are sleeping on their job which I think is what they are doing now. They are the one who have no need to train nor take IPPT test. Boy, I am seriously thinking of downgrading now. I got sinus, skin allergy to sand(I am in Armour which is a joke) and a torn ankle ligament due to an injury I got back in my army days. If some of my friends who can club till the dawn arrive are able to downgrade their Pes Status, I don't see any reasons why I can't. So screw you SAF. I had enough of your shit. I will be thinking ways to downgrade once I have the $$. Damn you.
I am pondering now if I should quit my job. Don't wanna complain too much but up till now I can't really see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am seeing most of my friends earn more than me and the irony part is that I need the money more than them. No offence to them but they are thinking of how to spend the money on gadgets which they like while I am thinking of how to pay for my car lessons(a Class 3 licence is essential for outdoor sales ppl which I don't have the privilege of asking my parents to pay for it), how to give more $$ to my mum and also saving up $$ to either study or starting a business. I am thinking of either trying out at Alson side or working hard on Looking Glass.
The problem with Looking Glass is a lack of funds. I thought of taking a loan with EZ Cash but problem is you need to be employed for 6 months or more before they will consider giving you a loan. I have only been working for 4 months. It always bother me that Kenn had great plans for Looking Glass but am unable to execute it due to lack of funds. I feel sorry that I can't help in this area. Now it is really in the hands of God(if there is one). I think we had kinda exhausted all avenues of funding(to be honest, Kenn did more of the work. Sorry abt that Bro) I will use tomorrow to think what should I do with my career. Call it quits now or endure till end of the year.
Lastly, this goes out to someone who is starting on her new job tomorrow. All the best to you in your new job. I am sure you will do well and achieve your dreams and love one day. Like what you say, A strong belief in the things you do will bring you a touching ending in the end. Cheers!!
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
1:00 AM
1:00 AM
Sunday, August 28, 2005
It had been 10 days since I last posted. This is getting bad. Am I really that busy? Anyway, just got back from Downtown East Chalet over the weekend. Come to think of it, the last time I had been to a chalet was in 2004. Kinda feel not in tune with the crowd over there. Bunch of youngster making a din the whole night ain't really the idea I had of chilling out. But come to think of it, I used to create more noise disturbances back in my teens. Kind of a retribution I think.
The chalet break was a welcome respite from all the work and monotomy of life. Though there were only a grand total of 8 people at the chalet, I think we all had fun. The first night was spent playing mahjong after I had booked in alone at 6. Thank God that Grace is merciful enough to join me earlier at 7. The rest of the gang only start arriving at around 9 plus. Sat night was spent on BBQ where I think we had the least crowd around a pit in the whole of Downtown East. Come to think of it, we should had asked more of our friends to come over. It just don't feel like a chalet with only 8 people. Not that we don't have much friends. It is just that some of them were involved in relationship before and things didn't turn out well. This lead to A not wanting to see B or B not wanting to see C. Relationship. That's why I tried not to start a relationship with friends that I had known for more than 2 years. Don't wanna screw up the friendship just because of some relationship thingy.
Watching Going Home now on Channel U as I am typing this. I remember watching this show with Kenn. It is one of those few flims that brought tears to my eyes. The simple story of how a Grandma will go all out to take care of her grandchild despite of all the difficulties. Watching this reminds me of my Grandpa and Grandma. I was young then and regret not spending more time with them. That's why I tried my best to visit my grandma now whenever I had the time. I had always not fancy the idea of a grand funeral. Why go through all these troubles only when they are gone. I think time spent with them when they are alive is the most important and I dare say the thing they want the most.
I am still missing my Grandpa now. How I wish that he is still by my side talking to me. Though I can't speak hokkien well, he will always try to tell me his life experience. To me, that override any lessons that I can learnt from textbook or reading. He is always encouraging me on, asking me to listen to my mum and most importantly, studying hard. Both he and my mum lost out on the chance of having an education and I think that he is pinning on me to fulfil that part of life that he had missed out on. I think only one who had been through the hardship of life have the right to lecture people on the meaning of Life. I am still missing you Ah Gong. Always had and always will.
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
10:20 PM
10:20 PM
Thursday, August 18, 2005
I haven't been blogging quite often recently. Not sure if it is because I am busy or just too lost to talk about myself. Well, last week was a kinda white wash for me. Beside the great fun that I had on National Day eve, the rest of the week sucks. I had a cough(still coughing) and was knocked out from Fri night to Sun night. Thanks to a stubborn me who refused to take antibiotics. The reason being that I will always forget to finish the whole course. The result will be me screwing myself. The activities that I took part in over the weekend was the NTU Hall 1 pageant(sponsored by Looking Glass Models :) ) and a soccer game on Sat morning which I played damn badly. Not sure if it is the cough or just me not playing for quite sometime. I set standards for myself in whatever I do. And I am damn PISSED with myself on that day. I think a Sec Sch kid would have kick my ass off the field.
Well back to life in general. Seems like S'poreans just ain't mature enough to decide who could be our president. Quite sure that's the thinking of our Goverment. Only 1 out of 4 applicants got the certificate for Nomination of President and I am sure you won't be surprised by who was it. No offence but I think a fair fight should be set up and S'poreans will judge for themselves who is fit to be president. If we still need the approval of a commitee, what is the need for an electorate? They might as well go back to the old method of the president being nominated by the Prime Minister and approved by the cabinet. I got nothing against President S R Nathan but just afraid that he might be a bit old for the job. 81 now and 87 when his term is completed. Just a bit too old.
Talking about myself now. Just did a calculation and found out that I will be broke for next month also. Now I fully understand the meaning of "It doesn't rain. It pours" My lovable PC had finally decided to call it a day. I got to give it to him. From 2001 till now. There might be minor hiccups along the way but he had never really fail me. Just as I am about to finish clearing my debts, my motherboard die on me. Another $200 gone just like that. The best part is I can only afford to repair it next month as I am down to my last $100 for the month. So for friends who always see me online, don't think that I am a miser or a no life fellow. Just take it that I am broke.
Part of the problem that I am so broke is because of my "high" paying job. I am given a product which take ages to sell and a boss who is not really giving me much help at it. I love the way he say: " Sales people must be more independent and resourceful. I can't hand feed you all the way" Coming from the same mouth which said: " Don't worry. There will be training and help for you as I understand that you are new in corporate sales." Seems like there can really be a hybrid of angel and demon. I am still a contract worker( probation for 4 months and running) with a low basic pay, a high commission part as my salary( can only get if I sell which seems like impossible at times), no handphone allowance( the whole company get it), no medical allowance( the whole company get it) and only no paid leave allow. I am officially on a job hunt. Don't wanna overstay my welcome.
There had been plans to expand the operation of Looking Glass. Can't disclose much now but will give update when things had settled down. I am a bit afraid but at the same time excited. This could be a move that can make or break us. Detailed planning must be done before we can proceed. If things go well, I will be offically joining the self employed family. Which means even more broke and longer working hours. I hate being broke. But being broke is the process all successful people need to go through. I just hope that my suffering is worth it at the end of the day.
Can't stop now - Keane
I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I've been stuck here dithering around
Well I know I said I'd wait around till you need me
But I have to go, I hate to let you down
But I can't stop now
I've got troubles of my own
Cause I'm short on time
I'm lonely
And I'm too tired to talk
I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I've been stuck here withering away
Well I know I said I wouldn't leave you behind
But I have to go, it breaks my heart to say
That I can't stop now
I've got troubles of my own
Cause I'm short on time
I'm lonely
And I'm too tired to talk
No one back home
I've got troubles of my own
And I can't slow down
For no one in town
And I can't stop now
And I can't slow down
For no one in town
And I can't stop now
For no one
Emotion keeps my heart on me
Emotion keeps my heart on me
Emotion keeps my heart on me
Emotion keeps my heart on me
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
12:10 AM
12:10 AM
Friday, August 05, 2005
Haven't been blogging for quite sometime. I think it might be a case of writer block. Quite busy with my life ba. As in work life. Love life is still a blank. Though my close friends might beg to differ. Shouldn't be complaining too much about this. Anyway, just feel that my current job might not really be the one for me. The problem is my boss. Not my immediate boss but my MD. I think success can really breed contempt. He is always at the office. Reading his newspaper and doing his "work". I am fine with that but the fact that he keep picking on me whenever I am in the office due to a lack of appointment. Let's face it. If I am that good as in to fill my whole week of appointment, do you really think I will still stay there for that pathetic pay? Well, I am about to finish paying off my debts thanks to this job(Still a remaining sum to Benson) and I will seriously consider changing to another job. It is a pity that I will be leaving behind a great bunch of colleagues. One of the best bunch of people I had ever worked with. And I will definitely miss my fishes when I am gone. From a small fish tank to one with 41 fishes and 2 water plants, I am proud of that acheivement. :)
Met up with my former tution teacher. I am so glad to see him again. He can be consider as a beacon of light to me. He took me in his wings when I was in Sec 3. It was at the stage that I was the most rebellious and cocky ass head u can ever see. I always think that the whole world was against me and life was being unfair to me. I hated school and homework. I flunked my maths so badly that my mum got to come down to see my form teacher. Serving dentention class for nearly everyday of the week and with grades that are ridiciously low. My mum enrolled me into the free tution classes that her buddhist society was organising. I was placed under his wing and boy did I gave him hell.
I was always not doing the handwork given to me, late for my classes or sometimes not even bothering to turn up at all. But I was lucky that he was patient with me. He started coming to my home to give me tution and also started to talk with me. Talking sense into a boy who is wasting his life away. I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. To be frank, my results were not that fantastic at the O Levels but I always felt that it could have been a lot worse if not for him, my form teacher and another tution teacher of mine.
I felt quite blessed in a way that I might have lose out on having a father in my life, I had definitely been rewared with a lot of mentors and great friends. I think life will always balance itself out in a way. That's why I always like to help counsel my friends (though I suck) whenever they have problems in life. I always believe that anyone can be a beacon of light for someone. By listening to their problems. Even if at the end of the day, you can't give them any help, listening alone will had been a great help. That's why we are given 2 ears and 1 mouth.
To all my friends who had seen the worst of me and is still standing behind me, I would really like to say a big thank you. Not sure if she will ever get to read this, but I would like to say a Big Thank You to my former form teacher, Miss Wong. Though I had hated u in the past for always giving me punishment and deducting my "high" test points as a result of not doing my homework, I am glad that you had do that. The counselling you given me had really make me realize how wilful and stupid I was in the past.
Life is a series of tumbles and falls. The most important thing is to get up, brush off the dust and dirt off your body and move on. Lingering around will not stop the pain nor bring you towards the solution. I think I should be talking about myself now ba. Must work harder in life. 25 already and yet without an acheivement that I can be proud of. But I am confident that I will acheive what I want in times to come. Everyone, let's Jia You!! Ganbatte!!
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
12:40 PM
12:40 PM
