Friday, January 26, 2007
There are tons of words what I wanted to say but my mind become a blank the moment I start to think about you. God seems to like making fun of people. Taking them away just when they are about to embark on the next stage of their life. I had been trying to convince myself that God like you. He liked you so much that he deems that you deserve the right to be in heaven with him. And in him I trust that you are indeed in heaven. In the arms of God and having the companionship of angels.
Though I wished that he had not wanted you instead. Sad to say, I am simply powerless to change anything. Men aren't that great anyway. It is at times like this that I realize that how fragile and vulnerable we can be.
让软弱的我们懂得残忍
狠狠面对人生每次寒冷
依依不舍的爱过的人
往往有缘没有份
谁把谁真的当真
谁为谁心疼
谁是唯一谁的人
伤痕累累的天真的灵魂
早已不承认还有什么神
美丽的人生
善良的人
心痛心酸心事太微不足道
来来往往的你我遇到
相识不如相望淡淡一笑
忘忧草忘了就好
梦里知多少
某天涯海角
某个小岛
某年某月某日某一次拥抱
轻轻河畔草
静静等天荒地老
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
12:41 PM
12:41 PM
Monday, January 22, 2007
Close friends of mine should have known by now that I had lost someone very dear to me recently. Though I had known him for less than a year, it seems like we had been friends for a lifetime.
I might be older than you by 4 years but I had always listen to your advice. Being away from home at such a young age seems to make you more mature than what your age suggests. You are always able to look at the bigger picture of things and I do take your views and comments seriously. I would definitely be missing your sound and laughter whenever I stepped into the office.
Buying kopi o for each other in the morning, having fun in the office when we are stressed out from the endless work we need to clear, going off in my trusty van to pack lunch for the gang, going to my site together in the van singing along to my lame songs, going for pool games after work, drinking on Friday night, mahjong and the list just goes on.
You had become a major part in my life. Silently you had taken a huge place in the heart of my mother and me. She had treated you like her own and the same goes to me. I meant it whenever I pull you over to my side, shouting out "We are brothers!!". Part of me seems to have die on the same day you met with that tragic accident. I am really ruing myself of asking you to pack lunch back for me. If only you had came back straight to the office. But then, being the nice guy like you, you would have packed it for me. For you know best that I can't work without food and our favorite Kopi O.
I am really sad to see you go. To be honest, the last time I am feeling this shitty and helpless was when my Grandpa left me. Helpless that there was nothing I could have done to save you. I felt so useless. A feeling I thought I would never had.
I am trying my best not to cry. For I know you would never have wanted those you care for to be sad. The way you spoke to your fiance makes me know that you would be a great husband in the future. The way you share your dreams with me makes me know that you had everything planned out. Buying a house so that your parents can come over in the future, providing for your loved ones and being successful in doing up HDL.
The only thing I can do now for you now is to take care of your wake for you. Providing a shoulder of strength for your fiance and parents and ensuring that justice be brought to you.
单小弟，永别了！！！ 我会永远记得有过你这一位兄弟。永远思念你的"叔叔"。
天空海阔是无尽美梦
可惜只得一个破天空
寻求人间仅有的希望
骤觉得到了又已失去了
不懂欢笑像留下缺陷
哥哥可否知道我的心
常常埋怨彷似不长大
是您给予我留我一点真
默默悼念默默愤怒埋怨
一生充满了斗志永不倦怎可终止
他的生命是真理 oh......
他的生命没扭转
但愿在您的远方
可听得到我这歌
常欠缺了您在旁
陪伴上路多麽不安
但愿用这一阙歌
来冲洗心中我苦楚
来叫喊我对您未忘
含泪说声祝您愉快
看天空可变改
(P.S: Anyone out there who had seen or know someone who had seen the accident, kindly let me know. A guy who is about to embark on a new life with his fiance do not deserve such an ending. I am not wishing hell for the driver who had caused it. I just want to be sure that justice is delivered out to the deserving.)
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
8:34 PM
8:34 PM
Friday, January 19, 2007
Just back from Timbre with Guowei and Ee Wei. I think u guys should be quite surprised that I went out on a week day. Well, after all the work I had been doing for this month and also the news that my job scope will be changed, I think I deserved to give myself a break.
At first glance, I thought that my job will not be that taxing. Only when my boss and Stanley talk to me about it then I realize that it come with great responsibilities. I will be sorely in charge of the marketing in the company and also PA to the three main pillars of my company. That will be Stanley, my boss and Kolo who have over 20 years of working experience behind him. The idea is for me to learn from them, doing up the necessary paper work for them, marketing plans for the company and also coordinate their projects.
It might sound easy at first but it is not. Today was only the first day and boy did my boss gave me tons of ideas that he had think of. The best part is that I got to implement them before the end of next week. This is on top of my existing pile of job which I haven't clear yet despite working my ass off since the start of the year.
To me, I am treating this as a very good learning experience. My boss had much more experience than me. Maybe he was right when he said that I am much better with my paper work, ideas, system write up and coordination than my relationship building with clients.
Construction is a strange field. You don't get a job just because you are the strongest out there in the field or you had the best solution to the problem. End of the day, a lot boils down to relationship. This is a sector that I think I am weak in as I need quite sometime to build up a relationship with others. Maybe it is just my character but I find it strange to behave like you had known someone for ages when in fact, you had only met him like for only a few times. It is just not me.
I am hoping that I can meet the expectations that my boss and Stanley had set for me. Like what I had told him, I don't want to be kept on the payroll just because I am a friend of his. That to me is totally stupid. We are in the age of meritocracy. Not a dictatorship. If I am not good or doing what they expect, I expect the sack and nothing less. I will never ever want to make a living just because I know who and who. To me, that's crap.
Anyway, back to Timbre. It is a great place to chill out over beer (My fav drink. Ha) and live music. The band tonight was ok. They seem to lack a bit of coordination but nonetheless, it was great fun. At my age, fun is not getting myself wasted at the end of the night. It is how much stress I can get out of my system. And for that, I thank Ee Wei and Guowei for chilling out with me.
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
12:53 AM
12:53 AM
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Just came back from a tea session with Stanley, Adlin and Guowei. Been quite sometime since we chatted on a weekday. Was real tied up with work ever since the start of the new year and am glad for this short respite from work. Well, not complaining here as being busy is a good sign. This show that you are living life to the fullest and not stopping there wondering which next step you should take.
One of the topic we chatted about was children. Boy had we grown old. I would have never imagine me chatting about this a few years back. Anyway, Stanley was sharing his experience of a being father with us and to be honest, it make me feel frightened and yet excited about it. I maybe thinking too far here as I am still very single now but I find it amazing that a life can be created by just two person. It's as if that these two persons are playing God in delivering a new life into this world. Giving it the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the mind to think.
The pessimistic will be thinking that they are bringing them out here to go through the vicious cycles of life. But I think otherwise. Life is beautiful in that you will never know what will happen next. It is the ups and downs that make life beautiful and sweet. Getting up from falls, basking in the love of your friends and loved ones, and making this world a better place. The sheer unpredictability of life make it great. Life is just like a great movie unfolding in front of your own eyes.
We also chatted about child birth and hearing the experiences his wife had gone through during child birth only increased the respect I had for his wife and all mothers out there. Most of the details are gruesome. Like being in labour for half a day, not taking the pain killing injection and relying on laughing gas instead and a lot more which is giving me the goose bumps as I think about it now. See, I am someone who have a low threshold of pain. To hear what his wife had been through really make me marvel at ladies.
To all those mothers out there, you are GREAT!!!
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
11:56 PM
11:56 PM
Wake up
Work
Lunch
Work
Tea Break
Work
Dinner??
Work
Reach Home
Read, Surf net, Sleep
Repeat the above 5.5 times for 2 weeks
Reasons why I had not been blogging. :)
To Ee Wei: If you are reading this, below is the reason why I called Maradona God
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUD9yaroGqE
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
12:49 AM
12:49 AM
Friday, January 05, 2007
Finally finished watching 恶作剧之吻. Started watching this show just before the long holiday. This is quite an old drama ba. Was recommended to it by Grace. Now I finally understand why you are so crazy over the male lead and the show. It's funny and was definitely one of the most enjoyable show I had watched thus far. It might have been a bit too fairytale like but it had definitely brought out numerous smiles from me. For those who haven't seen it, go catch it. You wouldn't regret it.
Time for some new year resolution. Though I had always fall short of what I had aimed for in the past, having a resolution is better than having none.
On top of the list is to be happy. Sounds easy but happiness is something that is hard to attain. My definition of happiness does not equate to having someone by my side. It is to have known that I have live my life to the fullest. Be it in work or leisure.
Secondly is to save more money. Be it for studies, making over my home or leaving it in the bank to rot. I really want to save. 27 years old and my bank account is still a joke. Had enough of this and looking forward to seeing more zeros in it. No just one zero.
Thirdly is to be able to start my studies in July. Been quite sometime since I was that motivated towards something. I really miss studying. How ironic it was that I tend to skip school back during secondary school and poly. I missed the pleasure of learning something new and having something to challenge me mentally.
Lastly, to be more hardworking. I know myself well. If I can finish a job by using 50% of my capability, this is what I will do. Not saying that I am smart but there had been times that I had finish doing something without even really cracking my head. Be it in work or studies. Maybe that's why I am not improving at all. I had always wanted the easy way out and the thought of racking my mind just turn me off at times. I must really change this bad habit of mine. This is also part of the reason why I wanted to study. Studying actually train people up on their discipline and mind. These two are attributes that I am sorely lacking now.
Two of my favorite songs from 恶作剧之吻.
默默在你的身后守侯的我
多想看你不经意的笑容
或许我的心你不懂
我努力让你感动
在你眼中有多么笨拙的我
决不放弃追逐你的执着
只要你能再多些回应我
一个笑或点头全接受
能不能再靠近一点点
大声说出你所有感觉
别在紧紧关在只有自己的世界
温暖太阳为你迎接
能不能再靠近一点点
能不能再勇敢一点点
就算让我知道我永远只是单恋
我也会藏着感谢
笑着和你说再见
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
12:22 AM
12:22 AM
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Happy New Year to all my friends out there. Hope that you guys had rested your mind and body well over the 4 long days of holiday. Not sure how you guys spent your New Year Eve but I spent mine with Stanley and gang. Mahjong from 4 p.m till 5 a.m in the morning. Yes. That's how boring we are. But come to think of it, quality of time is what matter most to me now. I am glad to say that I was glad to have their companionship over the long weekend.
A new year always signal a new start. How was 2006 for you? Was reading through my past posts just now. To me, 2006 was a mixed year. I changed a new job, changed my mindset about certain things in life and was also feeling down for quite a period in my life. Not all are gloom though. Getting my driving license, knowing a great bunch of friends at my new work place, being able to provide more for my mum and starting to be happy again definitely rank as some of the high points in 2006.
Harsh words might had been said, rash actions might had been done and trust might had been broken in the year which had just past. I am sorry if I was the one issuing out any of the above to you. To be honest, I was hurt too but hey, let bygones be bygones. To me, life moves on no matter how hard you tried to stop it or get back to how life was like in the past.
Trust to me is like a piece of glass. It's fragile. I can definitely forgive someone but to forget what he or she had done to me, it's hard. Trust, once broken is just like shattered glass. Yes. We can try to mend it back. Piece it together. But there's simply no replacement for the original piece of glass. Life can't be like how it was in the past. To think so is an act of foolishness.
I am no fool and I hope that my friends out there aren't fools too. Treasure the trust you had with others. Be it friends or loved ones. Trust is hard to earn but easy to break.
小时候我总会这样牵着你的手
只是盼望能够在你的身边守候
为了保护你不小心割破手指头
这个小伤却让你泪流心痛
长大后我们越来越远
分隔地球的两边
何时才能够见面
熟悉微笑的脸
回忆起我们小时候
闭上眼就能够感受
在我们心中慢慢流动的温柔
离开了我们小时候
现在你会不会想我
也许你找到一个人为你守候
我了了
回忆起我们小时后
闭上眼就能够感受
站在窗前跟你说了晚安就走
离开了我们小时候
现在的你不在想我
这个时候我了了
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
1:08 AM
1:08 AM
