Monday, August 13, 2007
Finally have the time to pen down my recent thoughts after a long hiatus. Had been writing something on and off but never complete or decent enough to be post.
Work had taken away much of my time since my last post. Illness took a distant second. Been coughing and under the effects of flu for the past 3 weeks. Worse part is that whenever I thought that I will recover, the stupid flu or cough will come back with a vengeance. Not sure if it is a lack of exercise (really don't have the time to even go jog) or that I am getting weaker as I am older. The worst part is that I am not even 30 yet. Is it that my body is giving me a signal to take it easier in life?
Recently attended the Coroner Inquiry of Rixin. For the uninitiated, he is the colleague of mine who I had grown to treat like a younger brother of mine. The day of the Inquiry was also the first time that I laid my eyes on the culprit of the accident.
I had always thought that I might not be able to control myself when I do see her. When Rixin had just passed away, my thoughts were that I will definitely take revenge for him. I will go all out to make sure that she is put behind bars. The longer the term, the better.
Maybe time had changed my view on things. Yes. She might have been at fault in the accident but does she want this tragic event to happen? I think no sane human being would want to cause hurt to another fellow human being. What's the use if she is jailed? Even if she is jailed for 10 years, the fact still remain. I had lost a good brother, my company a great employee, his parents a fantastic son and his girlfriend, a great companion who she wanted to spend her life with.
Forgiveness might be easy to say. Doing it seems a bit harder. I can't convince myself to really forgive her totally. I am sure his parents and girlfriend might never do so. But come to think of it, revenge is a vicious cycle. When will one really feel at peace in mind?
People who are still around us are the most important. I am not saying that he had lost his place of importance in my heart. But will sentencing the one who do not even want all this to happen to jail change any facts? The court had recorded an open verdict on his death. Based on the facts that were presented in court, I think there is a high percentage that she might not be charge in court. I think I will accept any form of punishment the law had for her. The sense of guilt which will be with her forever is the worst punishment God had given to her.
Nonetheless, I will still help out his parents if they decide to proceed with a civil suit. I think helping them is the only thing that I can do now. I hope that they can find peace within themselves soon. Holding on to something which is no longer around is painful. Letting it go and keeping great memories of those who had left us in our heart might be a better way to commemorate them.
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
12:28 AM
12:28 AM
