Saturday, April 07, 2007
Here I am again. Happy Good Friday to all my Christian friends out there. I had fun at Sentosa today with Guowei, Stanley, Padi, Ah Hee and Ah Ho. Been a long time since I went there. Was planning to go Cafe Del Mar but opt for the beach in front of it in the end. This way we can still enjoy the nice music without having to spend a minimum of $100. Will post the pictures when I download them. Wow. Me taking pictures. Ha
I was involved in my 2nd funeral for the year. To be honest, I am beginning to dread it. Though I wasn't that close to my uncle, I still felt grief for him. He was looking forward to his retirement as two of his three children were already married and providing for him. Just when he was about to put his two legs up and rest on the couch, cancer struck him. Though the end was imminent, one just couldn't help if there was anything more that we could had done for him. Anyway, it's over now and like what I always said, Life goes on. This is the brutal truth of life.
I had been thinking more and more about the limited time we had on earth. Come to think of it, I had already spent a quarter of my life now. That is if I was to die at an estimated age of 70.
你现在快乐吗？ This is something that I had been asking myself. It seems that as time began to leave it traces on me, I am feeling more and more unhappy. Life seems to run in stages. When I was a child, 365 days of my year will be full of happiness. Looking forward to school, having my ice cream after school, playing with my mates etc. When I reach my teens, at least 300 days were happy still. Though I was knowing more and more about the rules of life, at least I was still having fun in school.
Adulthood seems to bring more gloom and sadness in my life. People I loved began to leave me. Like my beloved grandpa. Someone who I had spent 20 years of my life with. I began to know that time stop for no one. People will walk in and out of your life. The worst thing is that you can't choose the timing. They won't stay just because you ain't ready for their departure. I learnt to dealt with death, relationship failure, monetary problems and work related problems. Life seems to be getting darker and darker.
If I were to gauge my level of happiness now, I doubt I will pass it. Not sure if I am being too downcast now or something else. I looked back at this quarter and found out that the days I were truly happy seems to be none. I lost a friend who was like a brother to me, lost my uncle and faced some unhappy issues.
All I wanted all along was to relive my childhood dream. Having a job that I loved(not saying that I dun love my job now but my dream job had always to be a writer or journalist), have my own family(due to my unhappy childhood as a single child) and living a simple but fulfilling life. All these seems to be so far away from me now. With every hope that I have for the future, there would be a fear that I would not be able to make it. Hopes and fears. That's how I am feeling now.
Maybe something were just never meant to be.
Like the rules of life,
Two parallel lines would never be joined together
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
1:25 AM
1:25 AM
