Monday, January 23, 2006
I had been busy with work recently. At times like this, work seems to be the only way I can run away from all my problems. Not just in relationship. Basically from all my personal problems.
I got a grandma who is growing weaker and weaker by the day alone in an old folks home and there is just nothing that I can do to help her out of her misery. She was clasping on to my hand and said that it had been 5 years since she had been forcibly moved to the old folks home by my brother in law. 5 long misery years. My heart was aching and to be honest, a shed of tear dropped from my eyes when I heard her said this. I felt so fucking helpless. The only thing I can do is pray that she will just pass away peacefully. She had suffered enough. Trust me when I said that she don't deserve all this shit that she is going through. Her son should be the one suffering. Not her.
I got a mum who is growing older by the day and yet got to work like a cow as her son simply had no means for her to retire and enjoy the sunset of her life. She even have to work during Chinese New Year. Fucking brillant. Now I will be all alone for the Chinese New Year. To me, Chinese New Year had been a festival to forget ever since my Grandpa passed away. The home just seem so empty and lonely without him. Without him mumbling to himself and always giving me advice on life. At least I got a simple reuion dinner when he was around. Now it is just me and my four walls at New Year Eve. And for mum to be working during the holidays, how I wish I can just hibernate and wake up when it is time to work. I miss you Ah Kong. I really do.
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried
You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be prayin every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
ohh...
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
Was doing some spring cleaning on Sun when I found an old gift from my ex. It was a bible. I was thinking of just chunking it in my bookshelf but just when I was able to do so. A voice in my head told me to flip through it. Surprise surprise. It was a neoprint of the two of us. How times fly. If I remember correctly, this picture was taken in 2000 when we were just starting out together. Times were sweet then. The world seems to just consist of the two of us and all my personal problems seem so insignificant. Not hoping that I can patch up with her but I just find it tiring to face all these problems alone. To be honest, I yearn for companionship. Someone who can be there to share my problems and let me recharge myself to face another day. I thought I had found it. But seems like the special one is still far away from me. My heart hurts whenever I recall how someone I thought that I can lean on simply chunk me aside when I needed her the most. I am not blaming her though. I just can't bear to blame her. She got enough problems of her own anyway. I just feel hurt. Time will heals all wounds. Work can ease the process. I hope. For me, it is going to be work, work and more work. I am aiming for the position of team leader. Don't think I am going to get it though but it is simply not me to go down without a fight.
Well, I am a bit tired of my post being so down and gloomy. Been a long time since I had a post that can cheer me or my friends up. Well, the only positive thing for me now is that Spurs is still 4th(Ahead of the Fucking Gooners!!) and look good enough to at least qualify for Europe. Champions League I am not so hopeful but hey, you never know in football. It would be sheer esctacy if we were to qualify for the Champions League and finish above those Gooners. Come on you Spurs!!
Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
11:45 PM
11:45 PM
