Monday, May 02, 2005
My holidays suck. Big time. It is gone just like a blink of the eye. I spent it in my home for 2 consecutive days from Sun to Mon. I am amazed that I still have my sanity intact. Seems that everyone already have their own programs except me. To be honest I had already planned out how my long weekend will goes but someone screwed me up. To be honest I can see it coming. The way she agreed to the appointment and the way she said she will call me back.
Fri night was spent on supper with Hongsheng again. I had been meeting him for supper every Friday night for don't know how many weeks. I don't really like to go clubbing or out till late on Fri since I got a soccer game every Sat morning. Sat morning was spent on the soccer game and I spent the whole afternoon sleeping after the game. Part of the reason being that I do not have internet or cable tv since my last post. Only managed to resume it on Sat when my pay finally bank in. Kinda piss me off when it is stated that I have the money in my account but on hold due to some stupid banking rules. Went to a ktv pub in East Coast in the night. Quite a nice place but the beer is damn x. $26 for a jug!!
The worst feeling anyone can have is to cling on to false hope. You know very clearly that it will never happen but in your heart you just refuse to give up. Like how a child will cling on to his parents or a leech to a human being. Leech. I think this describle me quite well. Called her on last Wed. Using a very stupid and lame excuse to get her out on Mon. She agreed to it which kinda surprise me as I had expected a firm rebuttal on the spot. Well guess she think that doing this will kill me off faster. Called her on Fri night and she didn't pick up. Assume that she was busy so I am fine with that. Called her on Sat night. She hanged up on me follow by a sms that said that she will call after her roadshow which she had told me about previously. Accepted that as I had worked in roadshow before and understand that it is inconvient to talk during it. Guess what. I had waited for that call till now. A call that I know will never come. I didn't even make any backup plans as I was so sure that she wouldn't lie to me. I mean she did said in her sms that she will call back.
I guess things are very clear now. I was an idiot. Waiting for something which will never happen. I hate liars. Especially from someone whom I trust and should I say like. The wait was a mental toture for me. Calling my handphone from my home phone to make sure that it was ok. Checking for sms now and then. Staying at home just in case she call. Why did she lied? She should know that I hate people lying to me. If she didn't want to meet up I am fine with a no. I had expected it and received it a lot of times. But what is the sms for? If she just keep hanging up on me, I can still accept it. Well, I think it is also better for me this way. It is just so obvious. I am the one who is not moving on. I should like what my friends said, get a life. Concentrate on other stuff. Like my new job, LGM and other stuffs. Anything except her. Hate to admit it but I am hurt. I am sure I will get over it though. I am too strong to go down. ;)
This is the Last Time
This is the last time
That I will say these words
I remember the first time
The first of many lies
Sweep it into the corner
Or hide it under the bed
Say these things, they go away
But they never do
Something I wasn't sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I've seen too little of
The last time
You fall on me, for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me, for anything you like
And years make everything alright
You fall on me, for anything you like
And I, no I don't mind
This is the last time
That I will show my face
One last tender lie
And then I'm out of this place
So tread it into the carpet
Or hide it under the stairs
You say that some things never die
Well I tried, and I tried
Something I wasn't sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I've seen too little of
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
11:51 PM
11:51 PM
