Monday, April 04, 2005
I was awaken today not by my alarm clock, my handphone going off with my colleagues asking me where the hell I was nor by the noise pollution generated by the upgrading project in my estate. It was by a dream which I will deem as a nightmare. I was supposed to be in office now but was struck down by a bad flu last night. I only manage to sleep at 3+ last night and didn't really slept well.
I dreamt that I was helping out my ex current bf in a 7-11 shop. I am ok with helping her out as I never said no to her need for help. I know this may sounds stupid but that shop was haunted. Close friends of mine should know that I do not like to watch horror films as I think the idea of paying money to scare myself is damn stupid. In the dream she was helping his current bf in a way that she used to help me. And the worst part, I can't see the face of her bf. All I can hear and sense is that he is an Ah Beng. The type that she hated most. It send a cold wind down my spine. What is she doing with someone so unlike me? And the worst part is that all I can do was just ask her what was need to be done in the stall. I can't ask her how she got to know him, how he is like and whether she really like him. I finally woke up in disbelief. Why am I still dreaming of her?? There is a saying in chinese that you will dream whatever you think of in the day. Seems like I think of her more than my new job.
I am in need of urgent help here. I really wish that I have the guts to ask her out and know if she is still attached now and if, with who. How he is like and if he is treating her nicely as I used to treat her. I am going nuts here. To be honest this is not the first time that I dreamt of her. It is time I get someone new in my life or get a chance to know her better. It had been close to 3 years since we broke up. I always believe that time will heal all wounds. Now I think that a dose of time and a new love will heal the wound faster. Being single and having a wild imagination like me is not going to help out at all.
I am still trembling slightly as I am typing this. All my worst fears are coming true. She is back in S'pore. She is damn near me in terms of workplace and residence. She works at Tampines and stay at Kembangan. I stay at Bedok. Smack right in between the 2 places. How coincidental can this get? I even reinstall ICQ recently in a bid to get a chance to speak to her. How dumb am I getting??!!?? I hate ICQ to the core for those who don't know. It keep on sending out spam, not user friendly like MSN and basically always crash my PC. I had noticed her on Friendster since 2003 but just don't have the guts to add her. I am going to do that now. I know this may sounds childish but all I want to see is her relationship status bar. If she is in a relationship, maybe just a glimpse of how her bf looks like. Even if there is no picture of him, maybe just a look at the testimonials given to her. To let me know if she is happy with her bf. Gals always write about each other bf in testimonials. I don't know why I am doing this. It might be just one of the things you do on a raining Mon morning plus the fact that you are sneezing heavily by the minute.
I think I am on the brink of being a psycho soon. A stalker. A man who can do nothing right in his life. A man who keep on living in the past and surviving on his fading memories by the minute. If there really is a God out there like she always said, please help me. I can't imagine myself being in this state when I start my work in the future. I need my concentration back. My focus in life back.
Duan Dian 断点
我吻过你的脸 你双手曾在我的双肩
感觉有那么甜 我那么依恋
每当我闭眼 我总是可以看见
失信的诺言全部都会实现
我吻过你的脸 你已经不在我的身边
虽然你不在我的身边
我还是祝福你过得好一点
短开的情线 我不要做断点
只想在睡前 再听见你的 蜜语甜言
A song that suit my mood now. And on a damn bloody overcast morning somemore. How appropriate.
You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?
9:15 AM
9:15 AM
